Sometimes you just go through those times where you're not really interested in God or getting to know him more. Well, it might not even be that extreme, but you're just in that state of being lukewarm without a real desire to grow and deepen your relationship with God. This past week has been kind of like that. I was just in this state that I would wake up and not even acknowledge God and I would continue on with my day and not bring him into it or ask him for his strength. So last night I had made plans to make cookies with my friend, but it didn't really work out. So I was sitting at my computer and then I just had this feeling of emptiness (I think that would be the best way to describe it) and I just felt like there was this little hole that nothing else could fill. And I felt this enormous hunger for Jesus. I felt this desire to be consumed in Jesus, to just be completely absorbed in him. And so I dropped what I was doing and just gave myself to spending time with Jesus. And it was good. Jesus never disappoints when I sincerely desire to spend time with him. That time I spend with Jesus will be different every time. Sometimes I'll talk his ear off, sometimes I'll just fall asleep in his presence, and sometimes I just need to read my Bible like it's the last thing I'll ever do. But it really doesn't matter what goes on. God just desires to spend time with me. He just wants me to be in his presence and just to absorb him up. And back to what I was saying before, that God doesn't disappoint anytime we seek him. Sometimes it might not be how we wanted it, but his way is always better. And I ask myself this question so many times of why I wouldn't want the best for my life, why wouldn't I just want to surrender everything I have so I can seek after Jesus? Every time I really put my heart and mind into seeking him, he really does fulfill me. I mean, sometimes I have those desires that just seem to clash against God's desires, but as I continue to get to know him more, then his desires will eventually mesh into my desires as well. Man, how cool would it be if everything we did, everything thought, word, action, everything, was centred around Jesus and if we asked ourself just how can I bring glory to God by what I'm about to do? That's what I desire to be like, and only through God's strength and grace will it ever be done!
I want to go somewhere exotic. I want to serve people. I don't want to have the attitude that I can solve all the world's problems. I don't want to think that the work I do is the only solution to everything. I want to be used by God to bring help to people, yes, but I just want to be used in whatever ways he wants. I don't want to think that I have all the solutions, that everything we do in North America is correct. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to be teachable. I want to learn from the world around me. I want to offer myself for God's glory. I also want to explore the world some more! There is just so much out there! And I always had a plan in my mind. It was my plan of life. I would become a nurse, travel the world and tell people about Jesus and give them medical care! I would do that for maybe 3 years. Then once I was all traveled out I would find a guy and then we would get married! And then maybe 5 years later I would have kids! Maybe. I was completely resilient to having any boys in my life until I had accomplished my goal. But then I had inspiration from a friend that there could be another option... What if God gave me someone who I could travel with?! A husband who had the same passion to serve people? And I totally believe he can do that! So it's not like I want to get married now or anything, but now I believe that God has a good plan for me. He has my best interest in mind, and I hope I have the courage and self-control to follow through with his amazing plan. So now I'm excited to see what God has in store for me. It will be good, and it may require some waiting, but, again, I pray that God will give me the patience and courage to follow it. I also hope that I can work in an orphanage and love on the children there. All I really want to do is go to one and just hold the children, and give them the attention they desire. I want to hold them. I want to show them God's love.. I want to work in exotic places too.. Maybe Hawaii, Thailand, Cambodia, Ireland, just to mention a few.. But see I still have that thought in my mind that I can't do that with a guy! I feel I need to go to these places alone and do this by myself.. But God has a plan haha!! I know his will is the best! I just have to trust him. Maybe I feel that if I were to even be dating a guy it would hold me down too much and I wouldn't be able to go out and live! But yes, God is good and will give me what He thinks it best. I guess all I can do right now is seek him and get to know him more more, and by knowing him more then I will know his will! Oh it's cool how that works! As we discover God more, the more we know him, and the more we know him, the more in tune we are with him! So then the more in tune we are with him, the more we will know his will. Hmmm, that's cool :) Other dreams though! I want to swim with dolphins! I want to have a fall wedding! I want to travel across Canada and experience our beautiful country! Hmm, there is so much more but I can't really think of any more on the spot. Oh, I want to find a big field of beautiful flowers and just sink into them and do nothing. I want to look up at the sky and just be me. I want to take it all in. The cool thing is that we can do that every day! We shouldn't need a super epic thing to make us realize life. We need to learn to see life and beauty in the simple things of life: the little flowers, stars, leaves, snow flakes, droplets of rain, Christmas lights, smiles. Oh the list could go on forever, but there's just so many sweet things that God has given us simply for the purpose of us to enjoy.
